Don't Feel Sorry, Feel Solidarity

I have been struggling with an issue as of late: feeling sorry for my family and friends who are struggling through life's hardships.

This is alarming to me because I have counseled people who have been through the most unimaginable hell and have managed not to feel sorry for them. I never want to feel sorry for anyone. I think it is condescending at best. Besides, I think it's fair to say that no one wants someone to feel sorry for him or her. A person wants (and needs) love, understanding, and support. But not pity.

Maybe my recent feelings are a mask for my own fragile situation. I hope I, too, am not on the verge of breakdown, a delicate position so many of my brothers and sisters find themselves in. It would be easy for me to project my weaknesses on others.

The last month and a half has not been easy. I have lost my grandmother, which connects me tightly to others' losses - including the recent death of one of my other's former students of swine flu - and my life is rapidly restructuring around a full-time job and a return to solitude after my girlfriend's month-long visit. Have I had the adequate time and space to mourn and to accept?

I know that if I am to turn the corner sharply, it will be thanks to the warm feeling of solidarity that links me to the pain and struggles of others. I must acknowledge my own pain first, and then connect it to that of others. My understanding must be deep; I must be willing to share both smiles and tears. Only the foolish suffer alone.

I already feel better now that I am aware of this option.